Love in the Time of Zombies: Part II- Reflection

This post is part 2 of an ongoing series titled “Love in the Time of Zombies.”  This series examines the toll that “Survival Mode” takes on us, and what we can do to maintain our humanity and thrive, rather than just survive.  Today, we are looking at the part that “Reflection” plays in our daily lives.

There’s a scene in every zombie movie where the survivors gather together in a boarded up house, in a moment of relative calm, and begin talking about how they are going to make it out alive. 

They think about what they are up against; what resources they have; what their strengths and weaknesses are; and how they are going to stand up against the onslaught.  This is what reflection is.  It is an opportunity to take a breath; evaluate what has just happened; acknowledge the threat and the (potential) losses; and discern what the next step is.

Reflection enables us to learn the right “lesson” from the last encounter and prepares us to engage from a position of strength.   

It sounds like a great plan.  But inevitably, in every horror movie, there is one character who rails against the idea of pausing to reflect.  “If we slow down, something bad may  happen. We just need to keep running.  And what’s the point of thinking about it anyway, it’s not really going to help us.  The past is the past, we can’t do anything about it.” 

These fears sound pretty reasonable, too.  These are the fears of those who live in Survival Mode.  And in the case of our horror movies, it is usually the voice of the next character to lose his life.  

This is the battle that every one of us who longs to be fully alive faces. Part of us acknowledges that pausing to reflect is a wise thing to do.  What’s difficult is fighting back against the fears that tell us that we cannot afford to do so, or that we are not going to like what we see or think if we do pause for a moment.  But if we are going to be fully human, we cannot afford NOT to do so.

Every day, we are flooded by more information, more opportunities, more dilemmas, more pleasures, and more losses than our limited hearts and minds can process all at once. 

The speed of the world around us demands that we keep up.  It seems to tell us that you have to make this call right now, you must decide now, you don’t have time to think or figure out how you feel about it, just MOVE! Choose NOW or LOSE out!

But, keeping up with this kind of demand turns us into something more akin to a CPU than a human. Reflection is the acknowledging and honoring of the complexity of life and complexity of ourselves. Reflection allows a person the chance for his heart and head to get on the same page, rather than fight for control. 

Reflection also acknowledges the spiritual realm and gives space for God to speak into the situation at hand.  Reflection gives a person the chance to make a wiser, more nuanced, more loving response than he might have had he simply reacted to the demand. Reflection allows a person the opportunity to be human.        

While the busyness of life, and the demand to keep up with it, seems to inhibit or disable our ability to reflect, life does still offer us opportunities to do so. 

I’ve listed a few daily encounters that offer us the opportunity to pause briefly (though pausing briefly may lead to a longer pause, further questions, and deeper reflection) and reflect upon our lives:

• After a “conversation” (code for “argument”) with a friend, spouse, or child, consider the following questions:  What just happened here?  What is it about this topic/dynamic that we keep having this same “conversation” over and over again?  What is making it so hard to forgive here?  What is making it so hard to apologize here? Have I experienced this kind of difficulty in any other relationship I have been in?  Do I feel as close to my spouse as I want to feel?  Why (not)?
• When a failure or loss occurs in your job, family, or circle of friends, ask yourself the following questions:  What did I lose?  Why was it/he/she so important to me?  What will be different about my life without it?  Does this loss bring up any other losses from my story?  What does this failure/loss say about me as a person (if anything)?
• Likewise, successes offer us the chance to ask the following questions:  What does this success say about me (if anything)?  Am I able to enjoy the success, or do I feel like it was a fluke?  Am I able to celebrate the success, or do I find myself just gearing up for the next “crisis?”  What do you make of that?  Did this success cost me anything?  Was this success worth the cost of it? 
• Our children offer us the greatest opportunity to reflect on our lives:  What do I see in my child that reminds me of me?  What does seeing that part of myself in my child stir up for me emotionally?  What do my child’s successes/losses/failures/pain stir up for me?  What do my child’s successes/losses/failures/pain say about me (if anything)?  Is that valid?
• Finally, our emotions often alert us to the fact that we need to pause and reflect.  When you notice the following emotions stirring up, you can consider the accompanying question: Sadness - What have I just lost here? Anger - What boundary is being crossed/What injustice is being done?  Fear - What is dangerous/risky here?  Confusion - What information am I missing here?  Loneliness - Who might I reach out to in this moment? Or, who do I wish would reach out to me right now? If you find yourself not feeling much, what do you make of that?

Again, I want to hear from you.  For those of you who find reflection to be a vital part of life, how do you keep at it?  How do you find the time and space to do it?  Do you have any ways of reflecting that are especially helpful?  Please share! 

For those who struggle to live a reflective life, what makes this process difficult to start, maintain, or consider valuable?  I look forward to hearing your thoughts.