Moms Talk: Separation Issues When Leaving the Kids

Town and Country-Manchester Patch invites you and your circle of friends to help build a community of support for parents and their families here in Town and Country and Manchester.

Each week in Moms Talk, our Moms Council of local parents takes your questions, gives advice and shares solutions.

Moms, dads, grandparents and the diverse families who make up our community will be a new resource for questions about local neighborhood schools, the best pediatricians, 24-hour pharmacies and the thousands of other issues that arise while raising children.

Moms Talk will also be the place to drop in for a talk about the latest parenting hot topic. Do you know of local moms raising their children in the Tiger Mother's way, and is it the best way? Where can we get information on local flu shot clinics for children? How do we talk to our children about the Tucson, AZ shootings? How can we help our children's schools weather their budget cutbacks?

So grab a cup of coffee and settle in as we start the conversation with today's question.

Question:

My husband and I are going out of town for five days and our kids are staying with their grandparents. We are worried that there will be some separation issues.   Any suggestions on how to make the days easier for the kids?

Moms Council Answers/Advice:

I worried about this when we used to leave the kids with Grandma and Grandpa for more than an overnight trip. Most of the time, these worries were unwarranted. There was a little separation anxiety at times, but Grandma and Grandpa were more than equipped to deal with it. My wife or I made phone calls at least once a day to the kids to check and make sure they were doing OK and let them ask us questions about what we were doing. The grandparents can ease the anxiety by keeping the kids busy. If the grandparents are able, they can take the kids to do fun activities that you don't usually do with them. It always seems more fun when Grandma and Grandpa takes you somewhere.    

-Tim Poorman, father of three, Ballwin

For the kids, the toughest part of traveling is probably the first day you are gone, so talk to your parents about planning something extra fun that first day so that the separation is less, initially. Overall, nighttime may be the most challenging. Bringing their own pillows, favorite stuffed toys and pictures of you and your husband may ease the nighttime loneliness.

-Bonnie Krueger, mother of two, Manchester

Preparing to be away from my kids is always difficult, but I have found that doing simple things ahead of time help both my kids and me during our time away from one another. In case the kids want a bit of reassurance, I pack a picture of our family so they can take a peek at Mom and Dad whenever they might need to. Also, I usually write a small, simple note to the kids for them to read each morning. A quick "I love you," or "Have fun at soccer," always lets them know that we are thinking about them!  

-Amy Murphy, mother of two, Manchester

 Take as much of your home routine to Grandma's as possible. Record yourself reading a favorite book or poem and have Grandma play it for them (either audio or video) when they are stressed. Does Grandma have Skype? Allow them to bring their own blankets and pillows from home along with a stuffed animal. Perhaps a special trip to the mall would allow them to pick out a "traveling pet" stuffed animal to keep them safe and happy while they are away. Keep them busy with small tasks like watering plants, feeding the fish, etc. A chore chart can keep track of the number of stickers earned for an act of kindness or good behavior. Most importantly, take this opportunity to build memories of their grandparents that they will cherish the rest of their lives.

-Donna Buehne, Teacher, mother of two, Town and Country

If you have a question you'd like addressed by the Moms Council simply e-mail it to Gabrielle.Biondo@Patch.com.